Why Avoiding Stuff Feels Good—But Fuels Anxiety
We all have things we’d rather not deal with. A stressful email. A weird new health symptom. A tough conversation we keep rehearsing in our heads. So what do we do? We put it off. We distract ourselves. We avoid.
And honestly? It feels great—at least for a little while.
But here's the thing: avoiding what makes us anxious is one of the fastest ways to keep anxiety going in the long run.
Why Avoidance Feels Like the Right Move
voidance is tricky. It shows up like a helpful friend. It promises relief. “Don’t open that bill right now.” “Wait to bring that up—it’ll just make things worse.” “Just check your blood pressure one more time to be safe.”
And when you listen? Boom—your anxiety dips. Temporarily.
But here’s the cycle:
Something triggers your anxiety (a thought, a sensation, a situation).
You avoid it—by checking, distracting, withdrawing, or putting it off.
You feel better—for now.
But your brain never learns that you could handle it.
So next time, the anxiety comes back even stronger.
This is something we often talk about in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT).
CBT is a practical, research-based approach that helps people understand the link between their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. It teaches us that how we respond to anxiety—like whether we avoid or face what scares us—can make a huge difference in how much that anxiety sticks around.
Real-Life Examples of Avoidance
Health anxiety: You feel a flutter in your chest and immediately check your pulse or blood pressure. It eases your mind for a minute, but pretty soon you feel the urge to check again. You’re stuck in a cycle.
Conflict avoidance: You’re upset about something your friend or partner did—but instead of talking about it, you pretend everything’s fine. Inside, you feel anxious, resentful, or on edge, and the relationship feels less safe.
Emotional avoidance: You feel sad, anxious, or overwhelmed, so you stay busy, scroll endlessly, or numb out. The feelings stay stuck, lingering just beneath the surface.
What CBT Can Teach Us About Breaking the Cycle
The alternative to avoidance is learning to face what we fear—gradually, intentionally, and with support. This doesn’t mean diving into the deep end unprepared. It means taking small steps that teach your brain:
This isn’t as dangerous as it feels.
I can do hard things.
I don’t need to run to feel okay.
When we lean into discomfort instead of dodging it, we give ourselves the chance to grow resilience. And we build real confidence—not just the kind that comes from temporary relief.
Final Thoughts
Avoidance isn’t a sign of weakness—it’s a natural response to fear and uncertainty. But it’s not the path to freedom. CBT helps us understand how avoidance works and gives us tools to move through anxiety instead of staying stuck in it.
So the next time you find yourself avoiding something that matters, pause. Breathe. You don’t have to fix everything right away. But maybe—just maybe—you don’t have to run either.
Chanderbhan Psychological Services
About: Chanderbhan Psychological Services is a therapy practice located in Laredo, Texas. We help individuals and couples who are struggling in different areas of their lives gain the clarity they need to grow and change. We also offer telehealth to individuals located in the wider State of Texas. To read blogs on mental health and relationships, visit our website.
